A Mind of Kind
Understanding Your Mind
Dr. Jonathan Anslow discusses how better understanding your brain and how it works can help you navigate the world around you!
There are, of course, ALL kinds of minds. I often emphasize this with clients to normalize the diversity of the human experience. From the very first session of therapy I am inclined to share the type of mind that I happen to possess. I would say that I have a mind that is prone to exhibit characteristics that are consistent with ADHD. I self-disclose to my clients with the intention of modeling how freeing it can be to OWN your mind, so to speak. Because to know yourself in this way is to put yourself in a certain context. When you do this you might be more inclined to cultivate some compassion for yourself.
I am quick to throw in a caveat to my self-disclosure. I tend to remind my clients that our labels are not a form of predeterminism. So for me to say, “I have an ADHD brain” - well, this is not a free pass for me to exhibit faulty executive functioning and then simply blame it on my “condition” and tell people to just, “Deal with it!” On the contrary, when you are armed with self-knowledge, you can act in ways that compensate for the areas in which you are lacking. THAT is the value of introspection and building self-awareness!
I KNOW that I have weak executive functioning skills - I’m a TERRIBLE planner! Anybody who knows me knows this well. But it’s not like I just don’t try to plan anything. I certainly try my best and create and/or reach out to supports to hold me accountable wherever possible. This may be why a dear friend of mine recently volunteered to coordinate my 50th(!) birthday celebration for later this year when I shared with him and others that I was starting to plan something. He may have thought that if he didn’t step in it wouldn’t happen. If that’s indeed what he was thinking he may have been right in that assertion, unfortunately. Either way I’m very appreciative of his support.
I believe it is critical to understand that you operate within a certain framework or recognize some basic parameters of functioning. Why? Because you might find yourself trying to go beyond those limits and encountering the inevitable frustration that goes along with that. This may foster a sense of inadequacy, incompetence, and embarrassment. This is not to say “Do not challenge yourself.” Please DO challenge yourself, however, I’d recommend going into that challenge with some realistic expectations so that you are not disappointed because you’ve oversold or overcommitted yourself. And be sure to be transparent with others about your kind of mind so that they can temper their expectations as well, though they may already know if they’ve spent enough time with you.
We all have different kinds of minds
Let’s not forget that it is equally important to recognize the positive facets of the kind of brain you have. For a person with an ADHD such as myself it means that I am a stimulation seeker. I can attend to things that excite me, that tantalize my mind, and offer up tidbits of entertainment and/or knowledge. I can also bring a level of spontaneity to a situation. I am often the person who looks to make humorous connections and observations in the service of breaking up a stuffy, overly serious room of people. My creativity can just bubble over at times, bringing with it some much-needed levity and delight.
I have to admit here that it’s a bit of a pet peeve of mine when someone says something to me like, “I’m ADHD.” The dad in me immediately wants to answer with that old chestnut of a retort, “Hi ADHD, nice to meet you!” The problem I have with that kind of blanket declaration is that it suggests that the label is completely defining of the person. I know most people don’t necessarily mean to imply that in these moments, but, then again, I am a stickler for semantics. And why is this? Because words matter! They are pervasive and integral to our self-expression and, if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves subtly manifesting the various labels we have imposed on ourselves. A re-frame of the “I’m ADHD” statement might be, “I’m <insert name>. I have an ADHD brain which creates certain challenges for me, but I am doing what I can to effectively navigate those challenges.”
Speaking of semantics, this may seem self-evident now, but some time ago there was some research to suggest that people who had been through trauma fared better when they were called “survivors” as opposed to being labeled “victims” (Papendick & Bohner, 2017). This is hardly surprising, right? Such a simple re-frame emphasizes that you are strong, resilient, and active in your recovery, not just a passive/unlucky recipient of the negative forces of the universe. This means EVERYTHING when you can reclaim your sense of agency and purpose! When we blindly subscribe to labels we tend to limit our imagination and, in effect, paint ourselves into a metaphorical corner. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
So in conclusion, BE KIND TO YOUR MIND! As a psychotherapist I do try to “Practice what I preach.” So for me to encourage clients to extend some grace to themselves and not do the same for myself would make me a giant hypocrite and thus would understandably compromise my credibility. And how does one be kind to one’s own mind? As I’ve proposed, use labels to temper expectations, but also see beyond those labels and don’t hang your hat on any one thing. Diversify how you identify yourself, keeping in mind the strengths and positives that are going to help compensate for the things that you don’t do as well. You can honor and validate the labels while also not being completely defined and hemmed in by them. That’s what’s so wonderful about these “Schrodinger's Cat” brains of ours - we can have competing feelings about the same thing! Say to yourself, “I am this…but I am ALSO that…and THAT” and so on, and so on…. Be absolutely clear about your top priorities and lean hardest into those and you will surely reap the mental health benefits that come along with that strategy!
References
Papendick, M., & Bohner, G. (2017). “Passive victim – strong survivor”? Perceived meaning of labels applied to women who were raped. PloS One, 12(5), e0177550. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0177550
